I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
