I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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