we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
