No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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