I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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