how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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