The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
