I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
