Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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