I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
