its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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