i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
