My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Alive.
So much puke
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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