Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
