I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
