Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
