So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
wow bdsm is so cute
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
