If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
