i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
