my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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