I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
