i don't like sucking hair
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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