shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
