sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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