we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
