didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
