Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
