she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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