did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
