you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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