I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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