I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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