you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
