my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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