oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
