i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
