I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize