we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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