I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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