Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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