she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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