Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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