I showed him my bush... on skype.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize