is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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