so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
