I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
