It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
