I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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