i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
