I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
