I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
