You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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