I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
