i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
