I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
