Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
