if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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