I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
