I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
