It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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