Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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