Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
