Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
