Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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