see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
