Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
