he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i'm inner monologue high
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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