he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
