I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
